


Inhaling the smoke of your cig

by oreranoneiro (jiyuunoriyuu)



Category: Johnny's Entertainment, SixTONES (Band)
Genre: Angst, Heartbreak, M/M, Smoking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-14
Updated: 2020-08-14
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:20:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25901977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jiyuunoriyuu/pseuds/oreranoneiro
Summary: Taiga hates the smell of cigarette smoke.
Relationships: Kyomoto Taiga/Tanaka Juri
Comments: 5
Kudos: 14





	Inhaling the smoke of your cig

**Author's Note:**

> I'm a simple human. A song break my heart, I project it on a character.  
> Inspired by [Koresawa - Tabako](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7B_PVsPvcg0).

_ "What haven't I done for you? I will never be enough, right?" _

  
  
  


Taiga woke up with a jolt, the whisper of nightmare still ringing in his ear. He fell asleep hugging his knees on the couch, neck hurting and eyes swollen. He turns on his phone, telling himself it’s just to check the time. A part of himself wishes for unread messages or missed calls, but there is none. The time shows 8:16, so a bit more than ten hours after Juri left.

It wasn’t a nightmare as much as it is a memory.

They never fight. Taiga is spoiled, but Juri always follows each of his whims. Juri wakes up early on the days when Taiga sleeps over just to make sure he has something to eat as breakfast, because Taiga can’t cook for his life. Juri makes sure Taiga always has clean clothes in his place, because at times Taiga show up without telling him. Juri keeps blank music paper available even though he doesn’t need it, because Taiga often has a sudden burst of inspiration.

Juri knows him the best, more than anyone else and more than Taiga asks. He knows how Taiga needs a lot of attention after a particularly harsh day but hates to verbally ask for it. He knows how Taiga get embarrassed easily when someone close praises him. He knows how Taiga loves to be peppered with small kisses, unless he asks for a longer and more intimate one.

Juri knows how much Taiga hates cigarettes.

That’s why Juri never smokes in his room. When they started dating and Taiga came over, he noticed Taiga wrinkling his nose in disgust, even though Taiga only did it once. And slowly, the ever present smell of smoke fades away, along with the spikes of Taiga’s random belongings. Taiga never asks, but it’s a silent arrangement between them. Juri stops smoking inside, and Taiga will come over more often.

Juri understands Taiga’s dislike toward his relationship with girls. It gave Taiga a sense of insecurity, because Juri is notorious for sleeping around with the prettiest girl around. Taiga is beautiful, or at least that’s what people told him. But Taiga isn’t a girl, and sometimes he worries that Juri might leave him if a girl prettier than him appears. It’s silly, but Juri listened to his worry and cut his contact with all his ‘friends’ anyway. If it makes Kyomo happy, then I’ll do it, was what he said.

But Taiga is whimsical and egoist in nature, so he asks for more.

It was something simple. A little thing that bothered him recently. He tried to ignore it, but when something nagged him, it just a matter of time until he exploded.

_ “Juri, you don’t love me, do you?” _

It’s such a careless statement, and Taiga regretted it the moment he saw Juri pales. Taiga knew that Juri does, what does it mean that Juri let him invade all his life if not because of love? But Juri was laughing because of his chat with another member, even though Taiga is right there leaning on his side.

And so he goes on, because he needs to explain what he means, and once the lid is off all his dissatisfaction overflows. 

He complained about how Juri sometimes spends his day off with his hometown friends, even though he’s also free that day. He complained about how Juri will come to Shoppi the second the older man messaged him, even though Taiga was there at his home. He complained about how there are times when he can’t come over after group jobs because Juri will go drinking at night with Jesse or Shintaro. He complained about how Juri says ‘I love you’ so easily to Hokuto when they were joking around.

Even though Juri almost never says it to him.

Juri listened to it in silence, to all his pent up anger and sadness, letting him cry it all out until he’s all done. All his stupid worries and dumb insecurities, about how Juri doesn’t spend enough time with him. How even with all the attention and hugs, kisses and affection they shared, Juri doesn’t look at him properly. By the end of it Juri smiled bitterly, whispering questions but not letting him answer. And then he left.

And Taiga starts crying. He cried and cried until he fell asleep, his head aching and his heart breaking.

How can he accuse Juri of not giving enough, when all he has done is receive?

Juri, who confessed to him although he didn’t know Taiga likes men, bracing himself for a possibility of not just being rejected but also breaking years long of friendship. Juri, who hugs him at night and kisses him every morning, breaking his routines to follow Taiga’s? Juri, who knows him better than himself, who’s affection is so strong that sometimes it overwhelmed him?

How dumb and egoist is he?

Taiga unlocked his phone, pressing call to Juri’s phone. His call went straight to the voicemail.

It gave him a fright. Juri never turns off his phone, no matter how mad he is. It's the responsible part of him, how he has always been the one his friend contacts on emergencies. They joked about it before, how instead of 110, everyone will contact Juri first. Because Juri is calm. Juri is level headed and always knows what to do, be it when someone got hurt, or simply can't go home because of how drunk they are.

Juri is so bright and outgoing, he holds everyone close, so those people can trust him blindly. But he cares about no one the way he does Taiga, and how blind is he that he didn’t notice it? Just because Juri doesn’t put his love into words.

But Juri held him dearly, didn’t he? He always realised what Taiga wanted before Taiga said it. Juri left even though he didn't have to, letting Taiga stay in the safety of his own house. Compared to Juri, isn’t he the one who isn’t a good boyfriend? Isn’t he the one who demands for more and more, never thinking about what he gave, never actually giving anything? Isn’t he the one who doesn’t love Juri enough?

So he started crying again.

In his frantic state, he found Juri’s pack of cigarettes on the table. He picked it up, pulling one out. Taiga hates cigarettes. It makes him cough and the smell makes him dizzy. But he lighted it up, inhaling it once.

He coughed uncontrollably, the smoke filling up his lungs.

But it smells like Juri. And he cried even harder, if that’s even possible. Where is Juri now? Where did he sleep last night, did he remember to wear his coat before going out? Is he okay? Why did he turn off his phone, did he finally have enough of Taiga?

What if it’s the end, and Juri is really leaving him?

Taiga called him again, praying for the other to pick it up. Juri’s cheerful voicemail message welcomed him again, and he decided to leave a message.

“Juri, I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t mean it. I love you. I love you and you’re the best person I have ever met and I’m sorry for doubting you. You’re enough for me, you’re more than enough. Please don’t leave me. Call me back, okay? I love you.”

And then he waited. There is nothing more he can do, if Juri doesn’t forgive him then it’s his own fault. He waited, inhaling the cigarette that somehow calmed him down. Maybe because the smell reminds him of Juri, who never lights it up in his presence. He inhales it until the fire goes out, then he lights up the next one. His throat and chest hurts, but it feels better than thinking about his feelings.

In the afternoon he ran out of cigarettes, but Juri never replied.

**Author's Note:**

> Please drop a kudos if you enjoy it, or stop by my Twitter @oreranoneiro ♥️


End file.
